Wednesday, October 26, 2016

Cleaning Is ... I Can't EVEN.

Day 16

I missed a few days on the blog but not on the writing. Day 14, I wrote my editor's letter for the magazine I publish, and Day 15, I wrote a meaningful devotional piece about the winter solstice for my church's advent calendar. You didn't see them, but they happened. Now, you may ask: With two kids, three jobs, and two bands, how do I have the time for writing? The answer is easy. I don't clean. (And this would explain why we haven't invited you over in so long.)

Today is an exception. I've been up since 5 am running around in circles trying to tidy up, because we have guests coming from overseas on Thursday and the place is a wreck. We found someone we can afford to do the cleaning as a one-off thing, and so I'm on the tidying mission so that she can actually find the floor in order to vacuum it. 

Such a cute word, "tidy." It means that one must walk approximately 14 miles in a 700-sq-foot space, in one hour or less, in tiny little bursts from room to room returning every object to where it is supposed to be. (The time required to have and then recover from several nervous breakdowns are also included in this tally.) You see, we have a very strict rule in our house. Every time one moves from one room to the other, one MUST bring an object, and that object must ABSOLUTELY NOT belong in the room to which you are bringing it. Then, one must LEAVE IT THERE.

For example: 

-Hairbrushes at all times must stay in the living room, never the bathroom.
-Shoes must remain under the office desk, kitchen table, or bathroom sink at all times, never in the shoe rack.
-Trash must be left everywhere, except in the kitchen, proud home of the trash can. 
-Dirty mugs and cereal bowls must be left either in the living room or by the computer, not in the dishwasher, which as it turns out is in the kitchen.
-And since we do have a coat closet, it is imperative that coats are left either on the backs of chairs in the kitchen, sprawled across the couch, or if possible, tossed violently onto the shoe rack by the door. Floor is also acceptable.

It's been two hours and I've finished three rooms. Back is sore, so a perfect time for this brief rest to write you a note. Hello! Good morning! I miss you. 

Two more rooms to go. And just look at the time! Ten minutes is up. Back to work.




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